i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize