I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
