i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
