Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
