Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
