update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
