Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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