it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You ate ashes out of my bong
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
