My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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