You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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