my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
