If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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