Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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