Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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