Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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