I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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