Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize