If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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