My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize