If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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