whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
