i wish my penis had a tongue
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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