afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
