The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
