like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
God I need to hump something, right now.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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