Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
