Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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