dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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