It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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