I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
