If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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