Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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