Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
