I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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