I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
