grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I accidentally burped into my bong.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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