my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The best revenge is premature balding
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
