I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
