how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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