Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
