I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize