What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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