its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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