my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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