remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize