i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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