don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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