I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
