Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize