they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
