Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
