I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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