Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize