if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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