I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
