Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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