He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We have started to decorate penises.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
