Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
