Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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