Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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