This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
