I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
a search helicopter?!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
