i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
