Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
