so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
