is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
