Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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