My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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