ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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