I'm eating all of the evidence.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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