tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
