i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
