at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
