There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Say something about gay babies.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I lost the right to judge tonight
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
