It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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