just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize