Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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