I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
