The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
