Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
