you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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