I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
PANTIES FOUND
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