Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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