He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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