nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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